Telling My Story: The Power of Vulnerability

I was talking over vulnerability with a friend today.  I mentioned that, though I choose to put a lot of myself out there, on this blog, in real life, and all over twitter (and I mean ALL over twitter!)... though I choose to write about my insecurities and crankinesses and teacup sized dramas and utter cooking failures, every time I do it there is a twist of reservation in my heart.  A little whisper of discomfort. An uncomfortable sense of vulnerability.

What's up with that? I asked.

She merely grinned and told me to watch this YouTube video.  Brene Brown's TED talk on the Power of Vulnerability.

I watched it. Then I watched it again. Then I watched it with hubs.

 I laughed, and I cried at the end when she says...

And the last, which I think is probably the most important, is to believe that we're enough. Because when we work from a place ... that says, "I'm enough," then we stop screaming and start listening, we're kinder and gentler to the people around us, and we're kinder and gentler to ourselves.

And by the end of all this, my attitude to what I choose to share publicly, and what others choose to share, had changed profoundly.

 You see, those of us that blog honestly, keep it real, don't buy into fakery or magazine superficiality... those of us who tell you our stories online, or in the cafe, or on the phone, are summoning our courage* and we are being imperfect. We are willing to let go of who we think we should be, and are being who we really are.

 Its not easy for me.  It never has been.

But this, dear readers, is my gift to you, every single time I post here.

 *I also loved Brene's definition of courage...

Courage, the original definition of courage, when it first came into the English language -- it's from the Latin word cor, meaning heart -- and the original definition was to tell the story of who you are with your whole heart

Total Mummy Win

I cannot describe how awesomely I won today.  I'm still swept away by it.

You see, it was a day of maniacal dashing around.  Even I, with my penchant for goal setting (LOL) and punctuality (LOL!LOL!) was thinking I'd bitten off more than I could chew.  We have one of our cars off the road for the time being (a boring tale of unbalanced wheels and a tyre so bald it'd put Bunsen here to shame -

Bunsen the Muppet

its so far gone we need to switch it with the spare before we drive again - seriously, that bad, but only one tyre, the other is fine)

Anyhoo. Down a car, hubs due in Balkie Hills at 2pm for an appointment of undisclosed length, me due to fetch kids at 3.30pm and kid dentist appointment at 4pm.  With 15ks of the busiest road in the state in between (Pennant Hills road).

I'm thinking that this has the potential to go horribly wrong.

1.31pm Arrive Balkie Hills

2pm Hubs heads to appointment - deal is that if he isn't out by 2.50pm I will go to get kids and come back (nightmare scenario involving massive driving with tired hungry kids on horrid road)

2.03pm Bored. Ring mother - get told unsettling tales of puppy poo, baby snakes nests, infected alpaca eyes and other lovelinesses

2.31pm Get off phone, check twitter, fb and emails on phone
2.32pm Think about walking up hill to get coffee
2.42pm Realise that hubs had better be out soon
2.50pm Chew nails in froth of indecision
2.55pm Stare in rear vision mirror willing hubs out of building and into car
2.57pm Start engine, phone rings, hubs appears

3pm Exit Balkie hills without getting lost OR being converted to Hillsong-ism
BUT Need to make 35min trip in 30mins.

3.29pm Arrive at school adhering to speed limits At All Times (as if I'd speed)
Park somewhat illegally in staff car park spot, get smile and cheery wave from Deputy Head (PHEW)

3.40pm Everyone, plus cello, two tennis rackets, library bags, school bags, sports bags and a scrunched up bit of paper about an excursion into car

3.45pm Tackle motorway and more vile traffic

3.55pm Arrive dentist ON TIME, nearly faint at the unbelievableness of it all

4pm Miss 7 in dentist chair, hubs and Miss 6 in supermarket
4.14pm Laugh loudly at inappropriate text message sent by hubs, startling dentist and earning reproving look from dental nurse - then Dentist smiled, and told me Miss 6 needs to see an orthodontist asap. sigh.

4.30pm Arrive home to dinner in slow cooker and large glass wine

Huzzah.  I made it.

That's my happiness for today :)

May or may not have pee-d

The Culprit

Waaaaaaaachoooooo.

Today's main source of happiness has had unexpected and dire consequences.  You see I gave Miss 6s bedroom an Autumn clean, and whilst fluffing up her vast soft toy collection I started to sneeze.  I sneezed so long and so hard that I've hurt my back and pulled my stomach muscles. I may also have pee-d, but I was too busy sneezing to figure out if I actually did or didn't.

 Waaaaaaaachoooooo.

Needless to say every single soft toy in the house has now been through a long wash and into the dryer at a high temperature to kill every single dust mite in there.

 Waaaaaaaachoooooo

But, over six hours later and on antihistamine, I'm still sneezing.  Waaaaaaaachoooooo.  Waaaaaaaachoooooo.  Waaaaaaaachoooooo.

Still, I'm extremely happy that her room is now spotless and dust-free.

 Waaaaaaaachoooooo.

Squirrel...

Yesterday I had no happinesses.  Nope, not a one. Couldn't have thought one up if I'd tried.  Which I didn't.

I had many irritables, as anyone who follows me on twitter will know.  The consensus was that I should go and find a bridge to live under, and god-help any goats that might try to cross it.  If there were worms under the bridge, that would've helped too.

Anyhoo, being a perky sort (LOL) I bounced back today, and so today's happinesses are as follows...

1. Miss 6s toothache was not an abscess, hole or anything else dire - and was easily fixed by the dentist this morning with the minimum of fuss.  (One tooth is being pushed up by the adult tooth below it, causing pain when bitten on - he sanded it back a smidge and now its all good)
2. The Dog's sprained back has improved enough that he can now lick his nether regions. Huzzah.
3. I spent most of today at the embroider's guild, and look, I stitched a squirrel...

See, squirrel
Its done in an Italian style called Assisi
Also managed to sew a straight black line, am very proud of my line

And made me a bookmark.

Yep, very sad I use a Kindle now

Four Thursday Happinesses

Four happinesses today :)

1. Coffee with a school mum / writing friend who  is just starting to get somewhere with her writing.  So excited for her.  Publishing can be very tough, and its great to hear good news.

2. Spent the morning with my sewing ladies.  Love them.

3. Problem solving meeting with Miss 6s therapist.  She had some fantastic kid-wrangling ideas and I'm feeling a wee bit less overwhelmed now.  Also she made us cup cakes.

And finally,
4. Off to meet with the Hawkesbury River Writers this evening (actually am about to be late, which is why this post is so brief).

Have a lovely evening everyone.  Back tomorrow with Friday's happinesses.

Finished in the nick of time

Two happinesses today...

Flat stitch sampler

1. Have been sewing like a fiend for my Embroiderer's Guild course.  My first assignment - two surface stitch samplers, is finally finished.  Due Saturday, so in the nick of time.  Colour washed out in photo am afraid, they're much more vibrant in real life.  So happy I've taken another step towards passing the course :)

Loop, knot and chain stitch sampler 

2. Been doing a bit of book downloading on the kindle...

- Entangled Publishing has just put out Love Knows No Bounds, the proceeds of this anthology will go towards Autism research.

- My dear friend, the deelicious Jess Dee has just released her latest novel Office Affair

I love a book that supports Autism, and I love it when a mate releases a book :)

Always, always wear a Sports Bra

Am taking part in Seven Cherubs Happy Days in May this month.  I got married in May, so its always been a happy month for me, and its autumn, my favourite season.  So its a nice fit to be dwelling on my happiness every day :)

So without further ado, today has three happinesses.

1. Miss 7 has been doing a project on school uniforms and how they've changed over time.  This led to me hauling out the photos and finding this gem, of me aged 5 in my school uniform.  So many happy delightful memories.  I went to primary school in Sevenoaks, in Kent in the UK.  My school was called Walthamstow Hall.  And that was the uniform.  Proper tie and all.  Yes, thats a tube of smarties in my hand (it was the 70s, that's what you fed kids then).

A lifetime of eating smarties

2. A 5 Star Review for Running Scared - This review is, without doubt, the best I have ever received!!!  I am still grinning about it :) Thank you Shereen!

3. Couch to 5Ks - So as per my blog post of the other day, I have undertaken C5k, ie running. Tonight was my first run.  I learned something very important.  Always, always wear a sports bra.  Things became so dire that I was forced to run holding my own ample bust in place (otherwise they would have BOUNCED OFF - no kidding).  THEN, towards the end I was so totally knackered that I forgot to let go during the walking part.  Yep, basically I was walking around my neighbourhood panting and holding my own breasts.  But I did it. I thought I was going to have a heart-attack, but I did it!!