Because it'd be too much to ask to get through the week with dignity intact

So there's this petrol station.  I tend to avoid it because when I go there Things go horribly wrong.  Last time I went the creddy card was refused and we had no money in the bank account.

Shudder.

Well, yesterday I had the choice; fill up at That petrol station, or run out of fuel on the Pacific Highway in peak hour.  What could go wrong, I reasoned.

What. Could. Go. Wrong?

• First, I (for reasons best known to myself) managed to park on the Wrong side of the bowser 
• With keys and wallet in hand, remove petrol cap and haul nozzle over to far side of car
• Curse petrol bowser and its Very Little Hose
• Heave on hose, just get end of nozzle into tank
• Commence filling, cover self in petrol backwash due to nozzle not actually being in tank
• Swear
• Heave on hose
• Drop petrol cap, which skitters away, thrilled with freedom
• Swear
• Let go of hose
• Accidentally press panic button on car keys
• Car alarm goes off
• Wonder who is the idiot with the car alarm going off?
• Have stunning moment of realisation
• Swear
• Forget how to turn off car alarm
• Swear more
• Notice petrol cap rolling leisurely down hill, aiming for gutter, busy road, steeper hill, heavy traffic etc
• Too appalled to swear at all
• Sprint after petrol cap (alarm still going but starting to sound a bit weary).
• Nearly get run over by police car as dive into gutter to get cap
• Sprint back to car, remembering how to turn off alarm - alarm turned self off by this stage, so this reactivates it
• Turn off alarm
• Place petrol cap, wallet and keys in safe pile behind back wheel, realise petrol hose is short because the nozzle will angle itself into the tank
• Fill up car, amazingly cheaply
• Arrive to pay
• "Having a good day?" asks grinning smarty-pants cashier
• Narrow eyes dangerously at cashier - pay smoothly
• Back in car, realise only filled tank up half (reason for cheapness)
• Reverse out of space
• Misjudge, have brush with bollard protecting LPG gas tanks
• Limp 100m to carpark, inspect damage - small scuff on bumper
• Arrive for coffee with friends, reeking of petrol and minus any shred of aplomb I may have woken up with.

Sigh.