Spring Hates Me - in 11 concise reasons

Look, I was going to do a huggy, gardeny post about spring with a bit of springy poetry and lots of photos of our three almond blossoms, but then I trod in still-warm dog barf.

So Spring.

Yay.

Let me see, we've got...

• Allergies - itching eyes, runny nose, and sneezing so often that instead of bless-you my family yells SHUT-UP
• Swimming pools - need to fix electrics, move fence, service filter, add acid, chlorine, buffer and GOD KNOWS what else the man at the pool shop can dream up, or end up with the Loch Ness Monster's second cousin living in there
• Swimming - cannot wait for a repeat of Miss 4s 'I've done a poo' incident from last year (had to get a new pool scoop after we fixed that problem).
• Bugs - ah yes, the festering maddening welts that sand-flies like to give me, can't wait for them, the incessant whine of mosquitos the minute you've turned the light out, and MOTHS. Argh Moths.
• Flies - did they breed in the chook poo, or the dog poo under the swings? My, I'm glad they're now inside sitting on the bread.
• Mildew - if its not murdering the peas, then its wilting the zucchini OR growing up the walls and on the windows of the entire house and giving my children emphysema (any medical advice given on this blog should not be counted on as fact).
• Neighbours - in their gardens, using their horrific leaf blowers, leaving their windows open so I Have To Hear Them. 
• Burning Off - weeks of smoke haze, marvellous - because I hate fresh air and love watery eyes and my washing smelling of smoke (oh OKAY it might save my life or my house, but still...)
• Clothing - do I wear wintery stuff and run the risk of niffy-pits due to all that sweltering? or do I wear summer stuff and run the risk of looking like a plucked chicken, and having to keep my arms crossed due to... um... high beams situation distracting friend's husbands (AWKWARD).
• In-laws - spring is Visiting Season (GodHelpMe), and then to finish it all off...
• Melbourne Cup - why do I always think I'm going to win? I have never won. The Melbourne Cup serves no purpose except to ROB me of my $3 in the Mother's Group Sweepstakes.

Sigh.

Please note: I shall be entering into the spirit of joy and rebirth and revelling in the heady waft of (next-door's invasive) Jasmine just as soon as I've steam-mopped away all evidence of the dog's afternoon snack of rancid cheese he dug out of the worm farm.