Tuesday, March 31, 2009

A really shit Tuesday....

Okay, so this was my day last Tuesday. I'm sorry its taken me a week to put this post up, but its taken that long to edit out most of the swearwords!

It started late on Monday...

Monday 9.30pm Put clean sheets on bed – am delighted by thoughts of lovely sleep on clean sheets – put puppy on bed – puppy wees on undersheet where duvet is enticingly turned back.

Tuesday 6.41am Squabbling children arise
6.45 Puppy wees on floor
8.35 Am informed that dear work friend has died of cancer after long long battle.
9.30 Children refuse to let up in constant nagging/fighting cycle
10 Start to try to get children to put shoes and socks on
10.30 Get them all plus puppy in the car – only half an hour late for playgroup
10.35 Can’t find car keys
10.49 Lift up teatowel on benchtop searching for keys and find huge roach
10.51 Finish beating roach to pulp
11.10 Give up on car keys and decide to take entire family up to shops for a coffee and something nice for lunch – don’t care what, anything to distract the little buggers
11.11 Inform children – tantrums commence
11.35 Tantrums subside
12.15 Make it up to the shops after long, wearing walk (I mean its only 750m how can it take 40mins??) – small crowd forms around puppy – answer stupid questions… yes he is cute, yes he is a puppy, no he isn’t a girl (SEE HE HAS A PENIS – a penis so hairy that the vet gave it a trim for him, yes a penis hair trim – she even had a scientific word for it. Vets never cease to amaze me), no he has never bitten anyone (which is a lie, he was chewing my hair at around 6.15am when Hubby dumped him on the bed before sprinting out the door)
12.36 Leave children in charge of puppy and crowd control and go to order Hot Chocolates
12.37 Find I have an empty wallet
12.38 Back in café after sprint to ATM (non my-bank so I paid TWO DOLLARS for the privledge) and fly past Bakers Delight where they foolishly tried to press sourdough bread upon me (not literally).
12.39 Take hot choccies out to children who have given up on me and are introducing themselves to total strangers, luring them in with the puppy.
12.41 Miss Four pours hot choccie over freshly bought cheesymite scroll
12.41 Tide of milk reaches Miss Three's cheesymite scroll
12.51 Tantrums abate when café lady abandons customers to restore calm
1.15 Buy milk, post books flogged on ebay for $7.50 each thankyouverymuch
1.34 Sun comes out, breeze drops and temp soars to 34 degrees
1.37 Begin slow, horrible trip home
1.43 Walk up my street carrying puppy, Miss Three, handbag, fetching shoulder bag with cupcakes on it containing 2L of Very Heavy Milk (because they were out of 1L cartons) and holding Miss Fours hand as she sobbed - "Are we there yet?"
1.45 Arrive home, fling children into bedrooms for ‘naps’, hide down far end of house enduring dead possum stench and sobbing over the end of Oprah (because it was all about army fellows coming home to their wives – and I am a sook)
2.15 Naked Miss Three arrives to inform me she has done a poo – congratulate her heartily – until she tells me it was in her bed.
2.16 I can’t appall you with the things I had to deal with for the next half an hour
2.31 Puppy wees on floor
3.01 Handyman turns up after FOUR MONTHS to measure up for replacing eaves – makes sarcastic comment about puppy and Ella – inform him she died – he slinks away.
3.30 Make steamed chicken dim sum for afternoon tea. Miss Four's verdict “This is shit” after she’d spat it on the floor. Yay, her vocabulary is coming along so nicely.
5.30 Hubby arrives home with freshly purchased teaset from auctioneers – where incidentally the computer system had gone tits up, so he fixed it for them. They offered him a job. He told them his hourly rate, they withdrew the offer.
5.40 Realise tea set is in really crap condition – much more crap than told. Have been had.
5.45 Get invoice for teacup from NZ – pay it via international bank transfer which cost an extra $24 thus making my BARGAIN teacup really fucking expensive
5.47 Realise really fucking expensive teacup does not match crap teaset – almost identical but NOT QUITE. Debate whether to tell husband or not. Elect not. Cunning plan to match teacup to parts of teaset and flog on ebay thereby making back money spent totally and utterly down the gurgler.
5.50 Puppy wees on floor, children have hysterics for no clear reason, Hubby loses temper and goes to buy Thai takeaway
5.51 Realise Miss Four is covered in hives – fill her up with clarantyne and mourn the fact its the non-drowsy version.
6.30 Stand outside waiting for puppy to wee - get eaten by sandflies
6.40 Give up on puppy
6.41 Puppy wees on floor
7.30 Stand outside waiting for puppy to wee - debate squeezing it out of the wretched animal - get eaten by mosquitos.
7.40 Give up on puppy
7.41 Puppy wees and poos on floor
9.03 Realise I haven’t washed puppy-wee bedsheets yet.


Monday, March 30, 2009


So, anyone who's a regular visitor may have noticed that I slip in the odd photo of Very Cool Teacups. I usually call the post Teacup Pron (pron instead of porn so I don't get sleazy people googling... uh oh). I agree this is an immensely stupid title for a post and promise to stop it.

Titles aside, the collection and flogging of vintage & antique (email me if you can tell me the difference!) teacups made by a china company called Shelley is a passion that has kept me happily time-wasting (and not writing books for example) for quite some time. I now feel the need to illuminate the internet about it all, so now and then I'll put putting up a post about various cups in my collection.

I use my cups. In fact the screamies use them as well. Yes, nothing is quite like watching a three and a four year old sipping weak tea from porcelain teacups, with utterly perfect manners. I'll try and get a photo - have finally figured out how to get photos from phone to blog (now to tackle messagebank). The kids can use any cup in my collection (as can any guest in my home) however, I do steer the littlies towards a few white elephants I have in my collection - from getting stiffed on ebay, ones that arrived cracked, or one of a couple of sets of six I have.

So, my all time favourite pattern is Shelley's Spots (often mis-named Polka Dots) on a cup that is in the 'henley' shape. This is my divine blue spots trio.
And my green trio - blue at the back - the reason they look different is because the gold is painted on the rim differently.
Recently I got hold of a duo in turquoise and a duo in melon, only red, pink, yellow, black with white spots and hazelnut with white spots to go!

Saturday, March 28, 2009

Friday, March 27, 2009

Trust me its better than poo...

One of my delightful children has taken to decorating her bedroom with excrement - I now cannot sleep unless everything around me reeks of bleach AND if I knew where to send her back I WOULD.

However, there are laws about selling children on ebay, so instead I've been chatting to a shrink about it. One of things we're trying is playing with clay. I'll let you figure out the thinking behind that yourselves...
As usual nobody has a clue how it got on the dog...
He's so CUTE... And his white smudge on his nose is going.

Thursday, March 26, 2009


Hair cut, spent yesterday being as be-lovelied as I can be and spending money on clothes. Not sure how I managed to have such a gigantic forehead though.Note remains of hot chocolate in car seat cup holder. Never let it be said that my children don't travel in style.

Sunday, March 22, 2009

Laugh, when you have nothing else left...

Am I or am I not the prettiest girl on the internet?

I took this of myself. Yes, as usual noone else to blame. In my defence it was an accident. I was trying to figure out how to take photos on my new phone... I WAS.

I thought I was pointing the camera at my computer screen in front of me and someone beside me was making smart-arse remarks about losers who photograph their computers.
How wrong we both were.

I don't know what has happened to my face or my hair or (my god) my eyebrows.
I have no idea why I look like this.
In fact I didn't actually realise this is what I look like, or indeed that I even had the capacity to look this horiffic.
Hubby still will not admit that this is his wife.

I have booked myself into the beauty salon for four hours of snipping, waxing and de-blackheading on Wednesday. If they did lipo for double chins I'd be signed up for that as well. Where did those chins come from???

I am never leaving the house again.

Friday, March 20, 2009

Job Interview

In just a few weeks, and with some reluctance, I shall be departing my part-time job forever. Presently they are interviewing for my job and I was asked to provide a few questions. Here they are...
  • Do you have a drama filled life and can you articulate this over coffee?
  • Can you describe in graphic detail the latest vomiting episode of your husband/child/puppy/cat/neighbour?
  • Do you have an in-appropriate interest in other people's lives and are happy to gossip at length with total strangers? Do you then pass this gossip on to everyone you meet?
  • Do you have any intention whatsoever of getting knocked up?
  • Have you worked in a sheltered workshop before?
  • Do you like to make friends and influence people?
  • Do you ride roughshod over other people's opinions and then blame them in the unlikely event you are wrong?
  • Do you have a secret unseemly passion for Access queries? Other peoples problems? Teacups? Ebay?
  • Are you obsessive? Compulsive? or neurotic?
  • Do you have a deep seated resentment of authority figures?
  • How do you feel about Americans?
  • Do you have great difficulty reliquinishing control of anything and cope badly in a team environment?
  • Do you beleive lunch starts at 11am and finishes at 3pm?
  • Could you spend the rest of the day talking to people on gmail chat (or similar)?
  • Do you deeply resent people who ask you questions? ask you to do work? or ask you to get off the phone to your mother?
I don't think they realise how much they're going to miss me.

Wednesday, March 04, 2009

Its a Gekko...

Had an unrool little visitor on the wall outside the kitchen yesterday...
Very cute little Gekko. Although the kids don't think so, as I told them it'd savage their chubby little fingers if they touched it. That was probably wrong of me, so very very wrong. But it preserved the Gekko and my sanity... White lies, just little white lies.

Note the appalling red brick. The ENTIRE house is this red brick and when we moved in anything outdoors that wasn't growing was painted red as well. Except for the roof which has the distinct remains of vibrant blue paint on it. Noice.

Tuesday, March 03, 2009

Collecting Eggs...

So Mum has four chickens.... Okay, well she had four chickens, it seems one was... er... pinched by the Wedge Tailed Eagles nesting near their house. Now she has three.

They each lay one egg every day, one always does it in the right place...
The others like to hide them.

Here Miss Finally Three demonstrates how to get the egg laid in the right place...

And Mum demonstrates how to look for the other eggs...

Oh she amuses me!

Monday, March 02, 2009

Good LORD, its March...

When the hell did that happen? Hmm.

Went up to visit Mumndad last Wednesday.
And the puppy met a few of Mum's creatures...Big black ones are Alpacas and short one are sheep. The Alpaca looking at us is Pepe and the one in profile is Jock, the sheep have names too, one is Brindle and the other Blackie, I have no idea which is which. (And I can only tell the difference between the Alpacas because Jock has seriously bad buck teeth).
Alpacas hate dogs of any form - its an instinct thing and includes foxes as well. Which is why Mumndad have the Alpacas, they used to guard the flock of sheep up at their place in Orange. They still have a herd to guard, its just not quite as big as it used to be! Soon they will have more company in the form of some young pregnant lady Alpacas, yes, my mind boggles slightly at the thought as well - but after helping my mother in the middle of a Force 8 snowstorm play mid-wife to a sheep having serious labour issues - I'm convinced the woman can do anything.