Job Interview

In just a few weeks, and with some reluctance, I shall be departing my part-time job forever. Presently they are interviewing for my job and I was asked to provide a few questions. Here they are...

• Do you have a drama filled life and can you articulate this over coffee?
• Can you describe in graphic detail the latest vomiting episode of your husband/child/puppy/cat/neighbour?
• Do you have an in-appropriate interest in other people's lives and are happy to gossip at length with total strangers? Do you then pass this gossip on to everyone you meet?
• Do you have any intention whatsoever of getting knocked up?
• Have you worked in a sheltered workshop before?
• Do you like to make friends and influence people?
• Do you ride roughshod over other people's opinions and then blame them in the unlikely event you are wrong?
• Do you have a secret unseemly passion for Access queries? Other peoples problems? Teacups? Ebay?
• Are you obsessive? Compulsive? or neurotic?
• Do you have a deep seated resentment of authority figures?
• How do you feel about Americans?
• Do you have great difficulty reliquinishing control of anything and cope badly in a team environment?
• Do you beleive lunch starts at 11am and finishes at 3pm?
• Could you spend the rest of the day talking to people on gmail chat (or similar)?
• Do you deeply resent people who ask you questions? ask you to do work? or ask you to get off the phone to your mother?

I don't think they realise how much they're going to miss me.