Ten reasons why I am an outstanding parent

1. When beanie-baby couldn't get the toy phone to work she said, "fuck it," and kicked it across the kitchen.
2. Six out of the ten Choice worst foods for kids were found in my cupboard/fridge.
3. When hubby opened the car door and beanie-baby had to walk around it to get in the car, she muttered, "oh fucking hell."
4. I am daily tempted to ram idiot drivers, usually with the children in the back of the car.
5. I do not feed my family organic meat or vegetables.
6. Numbergetti does cover all the major food groups (sugar, salt, fat and carbohydrate) and can be fed to children on a daily basis.
7. Colours and preservatives allow children to explore new sides to their personalities.
8. Eating the children's easter eggs after they have gone to bed is merely another example of my parental concern for their well-being.
9. If you want to listen to the radio and they want to listen to the sodding Banana-phone song for the billionth time, it is okay to tell them the cd is broken.
10. Bribery is merely another word for negotiation.