Breakfast at Tiffanys: Only it was after lunch and stinky cheese was involved

So late last week I changed out of my usual food spattered, snot smeared outfit, got all gussied up (including shoes with a 1.5cm heel and even mascara - which I might add, I didn't even rub into panda eyes until I GOT HOME - yes it seems as I get closer to 40 I am finally learning about makeup) caught public transport (hi there small chinese lady eating raw garlic behind me on the train - I've not forgotten you, no doubt you had no idea I even existed - well how could you THROUGH THAT FUG). And, met up with the sublime Jess Dee at the Lindt Cafe in Martin Place in Sydney.We had no good reason for meeting up, except that it was an excuse to eat chocolate. I immediately realised we were both on the same page when Jess persuaded me to eat waffles FOR LUNCH - with... wait for it.... NO savories first - because that would've spoiled it. Yes, it was almost as wild as the time I drank a large part of a keg of beer and then went swimming in the Murrumbidgee River downstream from a very dead cow. (Ah CSU Wagga).

Anyhoo. We ate chocolate, drank chocolate and then I bought more chocolate - although not the usual Lindt bars as I knew it was On Sale at Coles for half the price. Oh how thrifty am I?? Did you know that Lindt Lindor balls came in flavours like peanut butter AND cinnamon. I was amazed, but then, as we all know I am very easily amazed. Or is that amused? Er.

Well, we found ourselves all hyped up, unwilling to return to the suburbs from whence we'd come and at a loose end. So we went shopping. Sensibly our first stop was the Sydney GPO building, where poor Jess found herself dragged to a lovely little cheese shop deep underground. Of course I HAD to buy this incredibly stinky brie that I saw there. Stinky is probably a slight understatement, polite people would say it smelled like old socks, but I am not polite (I am, according to my mother; crass and have a stumpy neck). No, that dear brie smelled like a thousand people had farted in a jar and then they had buried the jar under a chook shed and poured decomposing seaweed liquid over it once a week for a hundred years.

So where do you think we went next... Armani? Prada? Tiffanys? Yes. All three. (OH OKAY, we didn't go to Prada because we were scared of the scowly shop assistant creature at the front door). Really though, the brie showed some restraint in battling its way out of my handbag until we arrived in the rarefied atmosphere of Tiffanys. Suddenly every time I stopped to look at something sparkly I could smell it.Really, its rather difficult to be swanning about pretending that you could actually buy some of the things there, when you smell like a fart in a jar.

Today I finished eating the cheese. Of the last six nights it has made its welcome presence felt every single time I opened the fridge, I have eaten it five. And, coincidentally I have had indigestion five times as well. Yes. A cheese that once I'd have had for breakfast, now defeats me.

sigh.