Holy crap. How many forms??? (Yes I know that you cannot possibly know, but I do have a checklist and can tell you accurately that it's 13, THIRTEEN).
Why oh why do I leave this stuff to the last minute. WHY. Oh how I hate myself. Hate, hate, hate. And I hate myself even more because sitting on my desk are four packets (formerly five) of American Candy Corn which is made of sweetened condensed milk with added sugar and more sugar added to that - and I can feel myself weakening and justifying that no one will ever know that there was once four packets when now there are three - oh what the hell, we all know I have the self-control of a six year old when it comes to sweet stuff.
But its not just the forms.
For this week The Universe in its infinite wisdom has thrown at me
- Rewrites of The Grey Man (story previously called But I Thought You Were A Nun - which was a ridiculous name, I'm with you there - in The Mammoth Book of Special Ops Romance)
- A High School reunion - which has required a new outfit, decisions about shoes (red killer heels that hurt like buggerit or sensible flatties) and nail polish (match lips or match dress), and trying to organise a couple of dear friends for nerve-settling drinkies beforehand which has ended up like herding CATS.
- A Kindergarten orientation - which is exciting and just a bit daunting (hey I'm an introvert, I hate meeting new people - oh okay meeting everyone)
- A haircut - Dear Hairdresser, yes I am a natural blonde, yes those are natural highlights, yes I am lucky but frankly it just grows this colour and I don't even notice. No it is not too thin and does not need more hightlights/dying to make it thicker - unless you are suggesting purple in which case I am with you there. What? No purple. Yes, you know what I want better than I do so I'd better just shut the hell up. Yes I am happy with my shampoo that I get for $7.50 from the health food shop (Melrose - its awesome) and do not need to have my life completed by the $40 for a teaspoon one that you have just strategically placed in my line of sight. No I do not use gel, mousse or even a hair dryer. No never. Why? I'm saving the environment love - no, that was sarcasm dear, because I think life is too short to be endlessly fiddle-arsing about with my hair. No I am not going out tonight, I never go anywhere I have small children and yes people like me really do exist. And please god do not start on about your ex boyfriend who knocked up your best friend and then you slapped her in that hair salon you worked in in Manchester. You've told me versions of that story every single time I come in here.
- Plus gearing up for The Halloween Party, which means I'm starting to do some of the cooking and wondering how the hell I'm going to entertain twenty odd children aged between three and five
- All on top of my five pages a day of Drive Me To Distraction - which is actually more work than I realised.