Sunday, September 12, 2010

Because it'd be too much to ask to get through the week with dignity intact

So there's this petrol station.  I tend to avoid it because when I go there Things go horribly wrong.  Last time I went the creddy card was refused and we had no money in the bank account.

Shudder.

Well, yesterday I had the choice; fill up at That petrol station, or run out of fuel on the Pacific Highway in peak hour.  What could go wrong, I reasoned.

What. Could. Go. Wrong?
  • First, I (for reasons best known to myself) managed to park on the Wrong side of the bowser 
  • With keys and wallet in hand, remove petrol cap and haul nozzle over to far side of car
  • Curse petrol bowser and its Very Little Hose
  • Heave on hose, just get end of nozzle into tank
  • Commence filling, cover self in petrol backwash due to nozzle not actually being in tank
  • Swear
  • Heave on hose
  • Drop petrol cap, which skitters away, thrilled with freedom
  • Swear
  • Let go of hose
  • Accidentally press panic button on car keys
  • Car alarm goes off
  • Wonder who is the idiot with the car alarm going off?
  • Have stunning moment of realisation
  • Swear
  • Forget how to turn off car alarm
  • Swear more
  • Notice petrol cap rolling leisurely down hill, aiming for gutter, busy road, steeper hill, heavy traffic etc
  • Too appalled to swear at all
  • Sprint after petrol cap (alarm still going but starting to sound a bit weary).
  • Nearly get run over by police car as dive into gutter to get cap
  • Sprint back to car, remembering how to turn off alarm - alarm turned self off by this stage, so this reactivates it
  • Turn off alarm
  • Place petrol cap, wallet and keys in safe pile behind back wheel, realise petrol hose is short because the nozzle will angle itself into the tank
  • Fill up car, amazingly cheaply
  • Arrive to pay
  • "Having a good day?" asks grinning smarty-pants cashier
  • Narrow eyes dangerously at cashier - pay smoothly
  • Back in car, realise only filled tank up half (reason for cheapness)
  • Reverse out of space
  • Misjudge, have brush with bollard protecting LPG gas tanks
  • Limp 100m to carpark, inspect damage - small scuff on bumper
  • Arrive for coffee with friends, reeking of petrol and minus any shred of aplomb I may have woken up with.
Sigh.

6 people love me:

Marita said...

I'm so glad I'm not the only one these things happen too. :)

Caitlyn Nicholas said...

So its NOT just me!!

Hurray :)

Karlene Blakemore-Mowle said...

OMG woman you crack me up!!! I'm really sorry that I get so much enjoyment reading about your disasters- really I'm a caring person inside...really!
I have a deep and abject horror of having my credit card refused at either petrol or grocery store- to the point where even when I KNOW there's money in there I still hold my breath until that smug bloody eftpos terminal FINALLY says accepted.... I'm sure they have that really pregnant pause there just to mess with our heads! You poor little pet- I'm so sorry you had a horrible day!!!! But thank you for sharing it with us!!!!

Quixotic said...

Oh, eff me, I love you!!!

Not least because you make me feel less alone when I have my own inevitable stunning moments of realisation...

greenfumb said...

At least you only sprayed yourself, last time I was too impatient to wait for a bowser on the right side I managed to cover the man next to me as well and he was not amused to put it mildly.

Karlene Blakemore-Mowle said...

OMG woman you crack me up!!! I'm really sorry that I get so much enjoyment reading about your disasters- really I'm a caring person inside...really!
I have a deep and abject horror of having my credit card refused at either petrol or grocery store- to the point where even when I KNOW there's money in there I still hold my breath until that smug bloody eftpos terminal FINALLY says accepted.... I'm sure they have that really pregnant pause there just to mess with our heads! You poor little pet- I'm so sorry you had a horrible day!!!! But thank you for sharing it with us!!!!