Well, yesterday I had the choice; fill up at That petrol station, or run out of fuel on the Pacific Highway in peak hour. What could go wrong, I reasoned.
What. Could. Go. Wrong?
- First, I (for reasons best known to myself) managed to park on the Wrong side of the bowser
- With keys and wallet in hand, remove petrol cap and haul nozzle over to far side of car
- Curse petrol bowser and its Very Little Hose
- Heave on hose, just get end of nozzle into tank
- Commence filling, cover self in petrol backwash due to nozzle not actually being in tank
- Heave on hose
- Drop petrol cap, which skitters away, thrilled with freedom
- Let go of hose
- Accidentally press panic button on car keys
- Car alarm goes off
- Wonder who is the idiot with the car alarm going off?
- Have stunning moment of realisation
- Forget how to turn off car alarm
- Swear more
- Notice petrol cap rolling leisurely down hill, aiming for gutter, busy road, steeper hill, heavy traffic etc
- Too appalled to swear at all
- Sprint after petrol cap (alarm still going but starting to sound a bit weary).
- Nearly get run over by police car as dive into gutter to get cap
- Sprint back to car, remembering how to turn off alarm - alarm turned self off by this stage, so this reactivates it
- Turn off alarm
- Place petrol cap, wallet and keys in safe pile behind back wheel, realise petrol hose is short because the nozzle will angle itself into the tank
- Fill up car, amazingly cheaply
- Arrive to pay
- "Having a good day?" asks grinning smarty-pants cashier
- Narrow eyes dangerously at cashier - pay smoothly
- Back in car, realise only filled tank up half (reason for cheapness)
- Reverse out of space
- Misjudge, have brush with bollard protecting LPG gas tanks
- Limp 100m to carpark, inspect damage - small scuff on bumper
- Arrive for coffee with friends, reeking of petrol and minus any shred of aplomb I may have woken up with.