Wednesday, April 02, 2008

GITB - Fear

So this week in my Girls in the Basement course we are looking at fear. In her lecture Barbara Samuels talked about how she only really discovered fear when she had children...
And then I had children. And I holed myself up in my house like a
prairie woman waiting out a plague of locusts. The world suddenly seemed
absolutely horrific with danger... I was mainly afraid of anything that
could hurt my children, or hurt me so that they would be motherless or I
couldn't take care of them. It terrified me to discover there was love
like that in the world, love so vast an all-encompassing that I would not
survive the loss of them. I knew I wouldn't.

God. I so know how this feels. And I think the most utterly terrifying part is that the fear NEVER goes away. Being a mother of young children you are constantly on red-alert, even when its me time, there's always that niggle.

And what is even more amazing is that every mother lives with this fear. Its ordinary. Its part of every day life.

See. THIS is why I deserve all the tea-cups money can buy.

2 people love me:

Sami Lee said...

Thought you'd dropped off the face of the earth only to click back on your blog and find how busy you've been! And with teacups. You have a thing for teacups and you don't understand the SHOE thing??

Yes, the fear thing is awesome. It started when I was pregnant and I suddenly became a pedestrian crossing user. Me, of the rebellious jaywalking habit. I wait for the walk light to go green even if there's not a car in sight. I lock all the doors obsessively (at least hubby thinks it's obsessive. I think paranoid is better than a kidnapped child but each to their own). I don't serve leftovers that have been in the fridge for more than two days. My princess is two and half, and I'm already terrified of the day she'll have to go to school... you get the picture.

Motherhood turns us into completely different people doesn't it?

Rachael Blair said...

Tea cups? How adorable... I wish I collected something (aside from words).

Like Sami - I soooooooooo know what you mean. I think the fear (and the guilt) thing are par for the motherhood course. I used to travel the world without a care before I had my eldest and then suddenly I'm scared to get on a plane - with or without them - in case it crashes or there's a terroist attack (and they're left motherless).

I'm also so much more paranoid about the future now. I hate it when I hear horrid things, because I so want my boys to grow up in a 'nice world.'

Oh, but Sami - I'm counting down the days till Ham starts school next year!!