Hubby and I are having another night in. Just like every other night since we got pregnant. The fire is going, music is on, the wine is nearly gone and I am cheerfully surfing ebay for teacups that I Simply Cannot Live Without.
Usually I'd be perfectly happy.
But tonight I'm inwardly howling.
What Have I Become?
Facebook is to blame.
I've come across some old buddies of late. People who knew me in my youth - and I'm talking 17 odd years ago now (oh and Freddie Bear who knew me when I was eight so he doesn't really count as I was just working up to my prime at that point). And don't get me wrong, I'm deeply glad we've made contact. I have been wondering about these people for years. And now here we are swapping stories of divorce, babies, adventures, studying, being an artist's muse, swimming with sharks, all incredible moments of their lives which, little do they know, are going to end up in a book sometime!
But its made me a bit melancholy, and its taken 3/4 of a bottle of wine to figure out why... I kind of miss that wild, reckless, drunken girl I used to be. What happened to her? Where did she go? Rolling drunkenly around the Muddy Duck in Wagga and escaping home in an orange combe-van, avoiding strippers (male and female) at 10am on a Sunday morning at the Church in Kings Cross, London, busily evaporating last night's hangover with snakebites, or running around a gay nightclub in Kunming in China (and being ardently pursued by Italian cigarette company reps). Then it seems life got serious, or I calmed down, or grew up, or something. Only I don't suppose I realised Adventure Cait had really left the building until I started to look back over my twenties and thirties and see that I haven't darkened the door of a Youth Hostel in nearly ten years, in fact I've let my membership lapse. Shared bathrooms? I Dont Think So. I like my hotels 5 star, thankyouverymuchindeed.
God. When did I turn into my parents?
I'm feeling the need to do something outrageous. Just to prove I can. And no I don't mean Smoking a Cigarette, or Getting Drunk at Hornsby RSL or even Opening Another Bottle of Wine. Suggestions welcome and I'll let you know what I come up with.