Did I just open a can of worms?
Ah well. My day has run along those lines.
Today's incidents of parental fuck-uppage today are almost too many to count. But here, I'll make a list, so my children can find it one day and show it to their counsellors.
- Pre 7am Miss 5 called hubby a "bitch" because he wouldn't let her have his ipod - and I laughed. We have no idea where she heard that one, its not one hubby or I ever use.
- Forget to light up with joy when I emerge from my bed and see the kids - possibly because at least one of them is decorating the table and a small pile of bills with her squished up weet-bix.
- Its a blistering hot day, the kids are tired from a busy few days and really snarky - how to entertain them? Hmm, chuck them in the car where they are within hitting distance of each other and drive them too a plant nursery - cos kids love that.
- Promise kids DVD in car. DVD player broken. Kids beg for Milly & Molly audio book - I lie and say its broken too because their horrible little squeaky voices give me a headache.
- Fighting in back intensified and mid-bellow I realise I forgot to feed them morning tea.
- Feed them slightly biro-stained fruit tingles from depths of handbag.
- Find a cafe. Children put it on in the cafe and behave appallingly so I feed them chocolate muffins with cream as a reward for their disgusting behaviour - oh and don't forget the babycinos - which they whined about because they are for babies and 'We Are Not Babies Mummy'.
- Made children walk around nursery looking at fruit trees in 40+ heat. Tell them this is fun and threaten if they don't behave I'll lock them in the car.
- Drag plant-picking children from Nursery.
- Decide to go to Bunnings. Because it hadn't all been bloody hard enough already. Hubby distracts children in party shop opposite Bunnings - children run around causing havoc wearing plastic boobs from the Buck's night aisle. Hubby brings children to Bunnings. I've blanked out what happened next.
- Get drive through MacDonalds. Add chicken nuggets and chips to already stellar diet of fruit tingles and chocolate muffins.
- Get home and incarcerate children in bedrooms for 'rest time' - spend next twenty minutes bellowing 'get back in your bedroom, rest time lasts for an hour.' Give in to nagging and utter disobedience and reward them with a swim.
- Put on DVD and hide at the other end of the house for the rest of the afternoon.
Total parenting fail.